That One Ingredient

Yesterday, as I was making dinner, I pulled all the ingredients out to begin my last minute throw together meal  (as always).  My hubby was on his way home from a hard day at work and he graciously stopped by the store for me.  Because there is always at least one ingredient that I don't have or I have ran out of.

I had researched a recipe on allrecipes.com.  I had some ground turkey and I didn't want to use the same couple of ol' recipe as usual.  So I found Ground Turkey Casserole by Beki.  What I like about allrecipes.com is that when you read the reviews on each recipe you get more ideas on what to add to it to make the original recipe even better.  I had the ground turkey, noodles, tomato sauce, onions, garlic, and sour cream (or so I thought).  My wonderful hubby came home with the other ingredients cheese and cream cheese.  Ahem, yes I like cheese ;-)  I had the turkey browning, the noodles cooking and I was putting the rest of the ingredients together and BAM!  Wouldn't you know it, my sour cream was super SOUR!  AHHHHH!!!  Why is it always one ingredient!  How incredibly annoying.  I thought I had it all together.  But no.  I am always reminded that I don't have it all together.  Grrrr.  So what did I do?  Well, after cursing in my head and the steam subsided outside of my ears, I hopped on the Internet to find out a substitute for sour cream.  What what do you know, I found some!  Of course yogurt is used commonly as a sub, but of course we were out of that too.  The last suggestion on the list was cottage cheese, lemon juice, and skim milk.  Hallelujah!  Now that I do have!  So I threw those 3 ingredients into the Magic Bullet and blended those suckers up!  And you know what?!?! It actually worked and tasted just like sour cream!  25 minutes later we were eating dinner!

I can't answer the question, "why is it always that one ingredient."  But I do know that I am never in control even when I think I am.  God humbles me each time and reminds me that he has got it all together for me.  And He can show me a new way, a new substitute ... to make sour cream.  Whatever it is, I have to remember that God is in control, even when it comes to making dinner.

What is your One Ingredient?

~ Selena

What Do You Love?

My lovely sister in law sent me an email today that really hit me to the core.  I really can not say much more than what was said in this daily devotional from Renee Swope.  My search for significance is really about "becoming the real me."   I hope you are as blessed by reading this devotion as I was and still am.   Lake Louise, AB Canada Becoming the Real Me Renee Swope

"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 (NIV)

What do you love to do? If finances were unlimited and failure was unlikely, what would be your dream?

The facilitator of our team-building activity asked our small group to answer these questions. I didn't have an answer. So I decided to start praying we'd run out of time before it got to me. But just in case I had to answer, I listened to everyone else describe their dreams, hoping to get ideas.

One wanted to be the first female president of the United States. Another friend said she'd always wanted to sing in a Christian rock band. I knew I was in trouble.

Here I was, 32-years-old at the time, and I didn't know who I was or what my dreams were. Eventually everyone looked at me for a response. I stumbled over my words. Then I finally admitted I didn't really know what I loved to do.

I didn't have a dream. I'd never taken time to think about or answer those kinds of questions. Instead, I had always tried to be who others wanted or needed me to be. But honestly, I wasn't very good at it. I often had this uneasy feeling in my heart and a sense of just not being happy. And I was a constant candidate for burn out.

I wasn't living out the truth held in our key verse today: "[God] created my inmost being; [He] knit me together in my mother's womb." (Psalm 139:13, NIV)

I was not designed to be who others expected me to be, or even wanted me to be. I was created to become all that God planned for me to be. But I was lost in the process of my becoming.

After I fumbled around looking for an answer during our team-building time, our facilitator encouraged me to ask God what His dreams were for my life.

I took her advice and started the process of becoming the "real me" who had gotten buried in the busyness of life and people pleasing.

As I read books that talked about discovering our passions, gifts and personality traits, I started to identify what I liked. I recognized strengths that came natural for me, and learned what I needed emotionally to encourage my heart.

For the first time, I realized there was an important reason I was who I was — with my passionate preferences and mixed bag of emotions. Instead of wanting to be like women I knew and admired, I sensed God wanted to use the unique way He made me.

Isn't it easy to neglect ourselves to meet the needs of everyone around us, and call it self-sacrifice? It sounds godly. But in doing so we risk shutting down a place in our soul where God's dreams and gifts are waiting to be revealed.

So, how well do you know the real you? Have you ever taken time to think about what you like to do? What would make your heart come alive if you had the confidence and resources to do it?

Although it might feel self-seeking, it's actually God-seeking to take time to get to know the woman He created you to be. Remember God had a plan in mind when He made you. When you surrender your unique passions and personality to Him, God will use them to guide you towards His dreams for your life.

Lord, I want to know the woman You had in mind when You created me. I don't want to grow old and never know Your purpose for my life. Show me Your dreams for me so I can offer what You want to give to those around me. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

To get more information go here or to read directly from this website: Proverbs 31 Ministries Daily Devotions

Can you answer Renee's questions for yourself?  How well do you know the Real You?  Have you ever taken the time to think about what you like to do?  What would make your heart come alive if you had the confidence and resources to do it?

~ Selena

Sweet Sunday: Sweet Smell, Babies, & Grace

I have a couple of sweet Sunday things I would like to share. 

 The first being the sweet smell of lilac.  We have a lilac bush just outside our house and I love to go and sniff the sweet fragrance.  So I decided to cut a bit to put on our table.  

The second on my list is my babies.  Of course I am partial to them and I think they are super sweet.  

Easter 2011

I also thought it is extremely sweet that my little Ava says my name.  Of course, it is when she is upset and she probably really doesn't understand what she is saying.  But a momma can always dream that her baby is saying her name.  And before the word dadda, is even better.  TeeHehehehe.

And lastly... I really enjoyed our church service today.  The message, the worship, the communion, all of it was so...filling.  The message was about the chain of grace. That grace that comes before us, comes to us, and comes through us.  Pastor Steve spoke about Ruth.  "Ruth is a real story about real people living in a real story."  Ruth's "back story" is about "tragedy and loss."  The "turning point" for Ruth was a "step of faith", but the "revelation is a story of hope."   I loved what he said about hope.  "Hope; when we can not see the hand of God, I can trust the heart of God."  That is so what I needed to hear today.  To be reassured that there is hope and I am not the "end-user of the Grace of God."  Pastor Steve posed a very good question.  

"Who is God putting into your life who needs the grace of God through you?"

What have you found that is sweet today??

P.S. to hear Pastor Steve's message tune in here.  GoLove.org

~ Selena  

Searching for Significance: Going forward slowly, but surely

Part 1 

Part 2

Life is like a roller-coaster.  You wait in line for the ride of a lifetime.  You wait.  Sometimes minutes because you got the fast track, or you lucked out and no one was at the ride at that time, or maybe the ride stinks and no one wants to ride it.  But sometimes you wait hours because you think it is worth the wait and obviously other people do to.  Finally you get up to the beginning of the line and you start to get giddy.  The adrenaline is already starting to pump through your body.  The nervous energy you feel is so exciting and scary.  The last car rolls into the station to stop in front of you.  It is your turn.  You get into your seat along with your riding partner.  You get strapped in.  The bars come down and lock.  It is now or never.  The anticipation is almost at it's peak in your body.  The ride operators give the thumbs up.  The cars begin moving, depending on the ride you have chosen, super fast or slow going until the front car meets the colossal ascent to reach the summit of the ride. 

 You know the one.  Click, click, click, click...  Hold on or put our hands up?  Scream or pee your pants?  You start to question if you really should have hopped on this ride.  Too late to decide now, because the screaming commences from the front of the cars.  Adrenaline pumping in your body, along with the car you are in.  Up and down.  Around and around.  Through tunnels of black.  Fast and slow.  The ride engineers really know how to get you.  Your car stops in the station and you climb out of the seat to greet your family or friends to laugh and gab about the ride you just took. The good and the bad. Do you admit the part that you weren't so sure about taking the ride?  All to run to the next one and do it all over again.  For some, this roller-coaster is exciting, for some it is terrifying.  When the day is over we remember the fun or displeasure we had, but now we go back to our hum-bug life.  Or do you?
There are points in our life's, sometimes daily and sometimes yearly, that we have this experience so to speak.  Something happens in our life that is so exciting or so incredibly disappointing.  The anticipation is so great that you can hardly stand it.  Maybe you are waiting for a very important life-altering answer.  Did you get the job? Are you approved for your dream home?  Do you have cancer?  Should you quit that job?  Can you afford the missions trip?  Are you able to have a baby?  Will you ever find Mr./Miss right?  Waiting.  Anticipation.  Struggle.  It is nerve-wracking!  We go from one big adjustment, that huge summit.  To another adjustment, the black tunnel.  And back again. A roller-coaster.

That is how I describe my life.  I have had a lot of ups (the summit).  And I have had my fair share of downs (the black tunnel).  Right now I feel like I am struggling to get out of the tunnel.  I can see the light.  I can see what I should be doing.  What I can or could be doing.  But sometimes I just do not have the 'want to'.  I know exactly what I need to be doing.  I just don't have the 'want to'.  Some days I feel like I am on top of the ride, on the summit of life, and I am doing really well.  Other days I am back in the black tunnel.  Having the joy of giving life to my 3 precious babies was momentous.  Losing my mom to melanoma has been a very large black hole.

BUT.  Thank God there is a BUT.  But God loves me so much that He will help me out of this hole.

He has sent people to surround me with encouraging words from around the world.  I can't physically see most of the people who have touched my life in this time, but I have been able to read their notes, emails, comments, and posts.  I also have an amazingly supportive, sensitive, and patient husband.  I have been reminded about the hope that God gives us and that I can find my value in Him and Him alone.  Is it hard to do that?  Most definitely, yes.  I have to work at it.  It is a daily undertaking that I find hope in Jesus.  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!" ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)  
I am new in Christ. And He freely gives hope, satisfaction, love, significance, and much more.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus..." ~ Philippians 4:6&7 (NIV) 
To try to not be anxious is hard.  But if God can give peace and guard my heart and mind, eww eee that sounds so nice.
 Paul says ~ I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  ~ Philippians 4:12&13 (NIV)
To be content with where we are at in our current lives is hard.  It is hard to ride the roller-coaster in anticipation of what is to come next.  Wanting and reaching for that next big thing is easy and fun, but once we get what we want, the excitement wears off pretty quickly.  That significance we thought we could get from "stuff" quickly fades.  So I stand today to make a commitment to find my significance in Jesus.  In what he wants in my life.  Will it be hard.  Yes. Will I have to remind myself daily.  Yes.  Will my lifestyle have to change?  Yes.   My sister reminded me in my last searching post that "You ARE significant because you are a child of the King! No more, no less. You are significant because you have opened your heart to God's leading and have done what he purposed you to do. Your obedience to the Lord is significant and that is really all the Lord asks of us!!"

We all are significant in God's eyes whether you know it or not.  On the roller-coaster of life, I will have ups and downs, but starting now I will be going forward.  Slowly, but surely.

Some places I have found encouragement:
psalm1walk.blogspot.com   - This is my friend Molly.  She is incredibly encouraging
proverbs31.org - My sister randomly sends me devotionals from here that are really powerful.
finding the beauty - I happened upon Cheryl's blog about a month ago.  I love the way she writes and find myself in similar situations as her.

So what are you searching for?  Can you relate?  What has been a new revelation for you?

~ Selena

Sweet Sunday: He is Risen!

He isn't here! He is risen from the dead, just as he said would happen. Come, see where his body was lying.

Matthew 28:6 NLT 

What an exciting day!  Today, we remember that Jesus rose again after dying on the cross for our sins and we get treats!  How sweet it is!

I hope you have a very blessed and super Easter and SWEET SUNDAY!

~ Selena 

Reminisce

This Easter Week, I have been reminiscing.  I have been thinking about what this week, this Holy Week, is all about.  I keep coming back to Jesus and how he took the time to wash the disciples feet.  The King of Kings wrapped a towel around himself, knelt before each man, and washed their dirty nasty feet.  A task for the lowliest of low servants at that time.  He washed the feet of the man that turned him over to the officials who would eventually hang him on a cross to die.  How incredibly humbling.

I have been apart of several foot washing ceremonies.  Mostly at camp.  During Jr. and Sr. High camps I would walk all the girls through the process of what happened in the Upper Room at the Last Supper.  How Jesus humbled himself to make it known that he was no better than any other man in the room.  Even the servants.  He was the example.  He challenged each man to wash each others feet too.  So that they could be blessed by the experience  (John 13:1-17). Can you imagine trying to get teenage girls to do this?  So I went first.  I washed their feet and spoke truth and love into their hearts.  You could see the hesitation in each of their faces.  I could tell they were thinking, if she thinks I am taking my shoes off, she's got another thing coming.  What is she thinking. But you know, they all participated.  They all had a chance to wash each others feet.  I was most impressed when a girl that had been mean or hurtful to someone had their feet washed by the one that had been hurt.  Talk about moving!  There were a lot of tear stained cheeks those nights.
But my most personal moving experience, with foot washing, was at a pastors house.  My hubby, son and I were visiting a church in Fairbanks, AK that supported the camp.  We were invited over to the youth pastors house.  When we arrived he asked us to sit down for a bit and make ourselves comfortable.  And then he left the room.  I looked at my hubby like, ummm, did he just leave us?  And when Pastor JR came back into the room, he was carrying a tub of water and had a towel wrapped around his waist.  He and his wife washed our feet.  I was speechless and I was the one with the tear stained cheeks.  I could not believe that happened.  It was truly amazing and humbling.

I don't think you have to get your feet washed to understand what it means to be humbled or blessed.  Just read Matthew 25-28 or Mark 14-16 or Luke 22-24.  See the story unfold about what God did for you and for me.

~ Selena

Friday Finds: Credit

Today's Find isn't something I had to research.  Just something that I realized...

I found out that I don't give my son enough credit.

Courtesy Google Images

I have been talking to him about the meaning of Easter.  I wanted him to know that it isn't all about eggs and bunny rabbits.  I wanted him to know that it is so much more.  So I talked to him about it.  I explained what happened to Jesus in a PG sort of way.  I told my hubby later in the day that we had been talking about Easter and what it really is all about.  So my hubby started asking Merek questions. And Merek did not hesitate.
Brad: What happened to Jesus?   Merek: He died on a cross.
Brad: Why?  Merek: Because people didn't like him.
Brad: What happened to his body?  Merek: Jesus' friends put it in a cave.
Brad: How long was he in there?  Merek: 3 days
Brad: Where is Jesus now?  Merek: In Heaven

I didn't even tell Merek that Jesus was in the tomb for 3 days.  He is very observant.

Wow.  I do not give my son enough credit.

I pray you have a very blessed Easter!

Courtesy Google Images

~ Selena 
Every Friday is dedicated to what I find.  I tend to do a lot of research on most big-ticket items before purchasing them.   Anything from cameras, baby car seats, to vehicles.  I also just wanted a place to share what I have found in my life.  Welcome to Friday Finds.

In All Honesty

Courtesy Google Images

Honesty.  Are we really truly honest with ourselves, with other people?  I wonder sometimes if people really know what honesty really is?  How do you know if someone is being honest with you?  How do you know what you read is true and honest?  How do you know what you hear on TV is honest?

Courtesy Google Images

It can be really hard to be honest.  I think most of the time it is hard to be honest because we are fearful.  Fearful that what we are going to say out-loud is going to hurt.  Hurt ourselves and hurt the people around us.  And frankly, I do not think some people want to hear the honest truth.  They would rather not know and live in their own little fantasy world.  


I watch my son's face when he is confronted about something that he has done.  His face speaks it all. It contorts in all sorts of directions and his eyes look scared.   I reassure him that it is good to be honest, that he will be in much deeper trouble if he isn't honest.  And so far, in his four years, he still comes clean with what he has done.  I pray his honesty will stick around for a long time.

Courtesy of Google Images

Have you ever done something that you are so scared and upset about that you can't do anything else, but think about it.  Worry about it.  Oh man I have.  This is just one little measly example, but I was so distraught about the whole thing I just about made myself sick.  During the time I was living with my in-laws I would help clean the house and do the dishes.  I was loading the dish washer with some of my mother in-laws nice goblet style glasses and wouldn't you know it, one broke.  Oh the pit in my stomach was huge.  I just knew that she probably got them in Alaska years and years ago.   I could have let the matter go and not say a word, but I just couldn't.  I was honest and let her know what I had done.  And of course I was right.  She got the set years ago in Alaska when she lived there.  Grrrrrrr.  But she was so nice and gracious about it.  All the while, I know she was disappointed.  The pit in my stomach eventually went away and all was good and right in my little world once again.


 Dictionary.com states that honesty is: 
1. the quality or fact of being honest; uprightness and fairness. 
2. truthfulness, sincerity, or frankness.  
3. freedom from deceit or fraud.

Courtesy of Google Images

Are you being honest today? Even with the little stuff.  If you can't be honest with the little stuff, how can you be honest with the big stuff in life?   Deuteronomy 25:13-16 says you must live accurate and honest because God does not like dishonesty.  And I would venture to say, that every last one of us that have been lied to, would say we do not like dishonesty either.  It is ugly.


In my little fantasy world everyone would be honest.  Politicians, leaders, businesses, family members, everyone would be honest.  No one would cheat you out of things.  I wonder what the world would look like if we were all honest with one another?  Maybe it would be uglier?  Maybe the things are sugar coated now would melt away?  

Courtesy of Google Images

It may hurt at the time, but I have a whole lot of respect for people who can be honest with me.  I would much rather someone tell me, uhhh are you sure you should wear that?  I'm not so sure that vehicle is a good choice, or Selena Marie, shut up and listen to yourself.  Thank God I have had all of those things said to me at some time in my life.  And I thank God for the people who have said it.  When I was younger, to make sure someone would know that I was being completely honest or they were being honest, we would pinkie swear.  Because that is what telling the truth was all about.  Pinkie swearing.  I wonder if we could get some of our politicians to pinkie swear?


While typing up this post I decided to try and find a 'picture of honesty' and that is exactly what I googled.  And you wouldn't believe what I found.  Did you know there is an actual day called Honesty Day??  I had no idea!  Honesty Day is celebrated to encourage people to be honest on April 30th.  Wow.  We have to have a day to realize and recognize we need to be honest.  Wow.  Check it out on the Wiki.  So start practicing now because Honesty Day is coming soon.  I also found a blog called Daily Rant with a post about honesty that I like: Daily Rant.


In all honesty, I am not looking forward to Mother's Day.  I keep hearing all the advertisements on what you should buy for your mother.  I know it is a celebration of mothers.  This is my first Mother's Day as a momma of 3.  But honestly, I am just reminded that I do not have my mother to share it with.  But I will try my best to be present for my kids and my best will just have to be okay.   For now, I will have to be satisfied with remembering the phrase my mom would always say to me.  I am sure you have heard it too.  Honesty is the best policy.

Courtesy of Google Images

~ Selena

Searching for Significance: Part 2

Mt. McKinley (Denali)

I think it would be safe to say that most people want to do something significant.  They want feel good about who they are and what they are doing.  I am the same way.

I feel I should take you back a little bit, to snippets of my life that I feel are important in this search for significance.  I encourage you to read Part 1, if you haven't.

While in college I helped with a local youth group.  This group was made up of youth from small churches in the area.  We met in one location and had a lot of fun.  I helped with the music and games.  I tried to mentor girls when I was really finding out about myself.  I saw God move through the kids and through me.  I felt like I was doing something good.  I felt significant in the lives I was working with.  I wanted more.

I met my husband through this youth group.  We got married and promptly moved to Boulder, Colorado.  We felt Boulder was where we should be.  I had always wanted to go to Colorado.  My hubby is from Alaska, so Colorado was a nice balance between the flatlands of Indiana and Alaska.  We thought that we could jump into a church youth group and feel the same life moving significance we did with our youth in Indiana.  We were sadly mistaken.  Looking back I see that was not in God's plan for us.  We served in other ways.  My hubby helped with the church maintenance.  I helped with the kiddos on Saturday night.  I also planned the church Passover Seder for over 500 guests.  We were very active in our Life Group.  We were fulfilled in ways that we did not plan or think would be apart of our lives.  We loved our life in Colorado. Then an opportunity came across us that hit us like a ton of bricks.  I was 2 weeks post baby (our first) and we were asked if we would be interested in taking a job in Alaska as full time Camp Directors.  WHAT??  Are you kidding me?  There is no way I was ever going to Alaska, other than to visit.  Plus I just had a baby.  What are they thinking?  After the flurry of emotions subsided a bit, we really thought and pray about the opportunity.  We came to the conclusion of "Why Not?"  What do we have to lose?  We are young and just starting out.  We are young and dumb.  Why not?  We drove to Alaska from Colorado with everything we could fit in a Nissan Frontier and a 6x10 trailer.  If it didn't fit it was sold.  We were literally living on faith.  We were going to do something significant.  We were going to change this little Christian camp around.  From weeds to seeds.  And you know what?  With the help of God, grace, a lot of helping hands and a why not mentality, we did.  It was amazing!  To see it come from run down to thriving was incredible.  To see kids, who didn't really want to come to camp, make sure their parents knew they wanted to come next year before they even left the property was priceless.  To see the darkness in their eyes, to beaming with lights was like flying on a cloud.  I felt significant.  I felt good about who I was and what I was doing.

   

And then a change in the wind came.  I can't describe it.  It was a feeling.  Like God was pulling at me.  Pulling at my mind and heart to go home to Indiana.  Why?  Why would I want to go back to the flatland?  A place where most people work to work some more.  I had been living in 2 distinct places where people worked to be able to play.  Camping, mountain biking, hiking, skiing, snowboarding were all at my finger tips.  Wildlife galore.  A mother moose with twin babies lived on our property.  I saw a black bear while I was running one day. (yeah, that is a whole other post in itself)  Why in the world would I want to move again?  But God was telling me that our time in Alaska, at Camp Challenge Ministries, was coming to an end.   A couple of months later I found out I was pregnant with twins.  Hmmm. Okay God.

We moved.  We racked up more debt and we moved in with my hubby's parents. On my About page you can see what has happened to me over the last 8 months.  A quick recap... We moved, my mom's cancer came back, I had two darling girls, I turned the big 3-0, we moved again, my mom past away.  In someways I am trying to find myself again in this new place.  In this new town, this new body, this new mind...  I believe I may be searching for significance in all the wrong places.

I want to be able to see my significance in the eyes of my mom.



I will have to revisit this again later...   Too many emotions right now to type more.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for your kind comments and encouragement on Searching for Significance: Part 1.  Those who have commented have really made me think about my search.  Please be patient with me as I try to put more words to my search in Part 3.

~ Selena

Burning the Midnight Oil

Have you ever thought, "What the heck am I doing?" "What happened to me?" "Where did the person go that I thought I was?"

If I was asked this question, I would be bopping my head up and down thinking, "have you been reading my thoughts?"

I know where I have been, what I have done, and who I have spent time with.  But I have no idea where I am going, what I am going to do, or who I will end up spending time with while I am there.

These are the things that I do know:

1. I thought that I would be a career woman.  I am a stay at home mom.


2. I thought I would be single at least until my late twenties. I am a wife of a wonderful husband of 6 years.


3. I thought I would have children when I was around the age of 32.  I had my first child at the age of 26.


4. I thought 2 kids would be just enough.  I am a mother of a very smart and active 4 year old boy and uber cute (but very loud) twin 4 month old girls.


5. I never wanted to raise a family in Indiana.  My husband and I were married in Indiana, moved promptly to Colorado, then to Alaska, and now guess where we are...back in Indiana.


6. I thought I would have both of my parents until I was, at the very least, 60.  I buried my amazing mother this past January (I'm only 30).


7. I have every intention of going to bed at a decent hour.  I usually never get to bed before midnight. Hence Midnight Oil Momma.


8. I know that everything I have planned in my life never turns out the way I wanted...thanks be to God.

So this is the start of my blog.  Obviously I would like it to be successful. I would like to tell you what I want to get out of it and what I would like you to get out of it.  But as you can see, from the above list, where I end up will most likely not be where I thought.

My hope for this blog is to be able to come to a place where I can write out my thoughts, feelings, my parenting stories, cooking adventures, gardening experiences, travels, my disappointments and triumphs.  I also hope that you will find this blog encouraging, inspiring, a blessing and a place where you can respond to my adventures of being an untrained mom.

Thank you for reading.  Until next time.