Searching for Significance. Part 1

Buchart Gardens. Victoria, B.C.

When did it happen?  When was it that women decided (or maybe it was men decided) that women had to do more than just taking care of their family.  As if taking care of the house, the bills, the kids, the husband, etc., etc., etc., was not enough.  I ask this, not because I think that women doing other things than solely taking care of their household is the only way.  But because I struggle with the feeling that I need to be doing more than just seeing to my family.  Isn't that enough?  I mean I have 3 sweet, but demanding kiddos.  I have a hubby that loves me unconditionally, but has a hard time staying organized.  I am blessed by a God that loves me, but I find myself in a 'once in a while relationship'. The roof over my head is great, but I am constantly cleaning the inside. The food on the table is good most of the time, but sometimes I just do not want to make anything.   And yet I still feel like I need to be doing more.  More what?  Something, anything that provides or makes me feel significant.  Ohhh, maybe what I struggle with is, for whatever reason, that I feel like I do not get enough significance out of just being a mom, wife, daughter, sister...  Ew, that sounds ugly.  And I do not like it.

I know it is here somewhere.  Where did I put it?  I feel like I am searching for my significance like I laid down my car keys and I can't seem to find them.

Growing up, I didn't think about the need to be significant.  I just did.  My significance was in what I was supposed to be focusing on: school, sports, and family.  That was all I was supposed to be worried about.  At the same time I felt like I was reaching for a higher purpose.  I was building myself up to become something more.  The same happened in college.  I was there for a reason.  To complete my four year degree and make something of myself. While in college, I helped with a local youth group.  I went on trips and went to youth camp with them.  And God moved in me every time.  I floated away somewhere after that.  I got married and invested myself into my husband and building our life.  A new me.  A new place, a new adventure, a new church, new, new, new.  What happened to the old me?  The driven, stubborn, head strong, woman that knew what she wanted and felt like she had significance?

I want to find that woman again.  Soon.



Because I feel like I am opening a can of worms with myself.  I am taking this one slow.  So there will probably be a part 2...3...4...who knows.  Please, I encourage comments.  I promise I will answer them.  Part of having an area to comment is to gain some encouragement from those who are reading.  Thanks for reading.

Burning the Midnight Oil

Have you ever thought, "What the heck am I doing?" "What happened to me?" "Where did the person go that I thought I was?"

If I was asked this question, I would be bopping my head up and down thinking, "have you been reading my thoughts?"

I know where I have been, what I have done, and who I have spent time with.  But I have no idea where I am going, what I am going to do, or who I will end up spending time with while I am there.

These are the things that I do know:

1. I thought that I would be a career woman.  I am a stay at home mom.


2. I thought I would be single at least until my late twenties. I am a wife of a wonderful husband of 6 years.


3. I thought I would have children when I was around the age of 32.  I had my first child at the age of 26.


4. I thought 2 kids would be just enough.  I am a mother of a very smart and active 4 year old boy and uber cute (but very loud) twin 4 month old girls.


5. I never wanted to raise a family in Indiana.  My husband and I were married in Indiana, moved promptly to Colorado, then to Alaska, and now guess where we are...back in Indiana.


6. I thought I would have both of my parents until I was, at the very least, 60.  I buried my amazing mother this past January (I'm only 30).


7. I have every intention of going to bed at a decent hour.  I usually never get to bed before midnight. Hence Midnight Oil Momma.


8. I know that everything I have planned in my life never turns out the way I wanted...thanks be to God.

So this is the start of my blog.  Obviously I would like it to be successful. I would like to tell you what I want to get out of it and what I would like you to get out of it.  But as you can see, from the above list, where I end up will most likely not be where I thought.

My hope for this blog is to be able to come to a place where I can write out my thoughts, feelings, my parenting stories, cooking adventures, gardening experiences, travels, my disappointments and triumphs.  I also hope that you will find this blog encouraging, inspiring, a blessing and a place where you can respond to my adventures of being an untrained mom.

Thank you for reading.  Until next time.