Searching for Significance: Going forward slowly, but surely

Part 1 

Part 2

Life is like a roller-coaster.  You wait in line for the ride of a lifetime.  You wait.  Sometimes minutes because you got the fast track, or you lucked out and no one was at the ride at that time, or maybe the ride stinks and no one wants to ride it.  But sometimes you wait hours because you think it is worth the wait and obviously other people do to.  Finally you get up to the beginning of the line and you start to get giddy.  The adrenaline is already starting to pump through your body.  The nervous energy you feel is so exciting and scary.  The last car rolls into the station to stop in front of you.  It is your turn.  You get into your seat along with your riding partner.  You get strapped in.  The bars come down and lock.  It is now or never.  The anticipation is almost at it's peak in your body.  The ride operators give the thumbs up.  The cars begin moving, depending on the ride you have chosen, super fast or slow going until the front car meets the colossal ascent to reach the summit of the ride. 

 You know the one.  Click, click, click, click...  Hold on or put our hands up?  Scream or pee your pants?  You start to question if you really should have hopped on this ride.  Too late to decide now, because the screaming commences from the front of the cars.  Adrenaline pumping in your body, along with the car you are in.  Up and down.  Around and around.  Through tunnels of black.  Fast and slow.  The ride engineers really know how to get you.  Your car stops in the station and you climb out of the seat to greet your family or friends to laugh and gab about the ride you just took. The good and the bad. Do you admit the part that you weren't so sure about taking the ride?  All to run to the next one and do it all over again.  For some, this roller-coaster is exciting, for some it is terrifying.  When the day is over we remember the fun or displeasure we had, but now we go back to our hum-bug life.  Or do you?
There are points in our life's, sometimes daily and sometimes yearly, that we have this experience so to speak.  Something happens in our life that is so exciting or so incredibly disappointing.  The anticipation is so great that you can hardly stand it.  Maybe you are waiting for a very important life-altering answer.  Did you get the job? Are you approved for your dream home?  Do you have cancer?  Should you quit that job?  Can you afford the missions trip?  Are you able to have a baby?  Will you ever find Mr./Miss right?  Waiting.  Anticipation.  Struggle.  It is nerve-wracking!  We go from one big adjustment, that huge summit.  To another adjustment, the black tunnel.  And back again. A roller-coaster.

That is how I describe my life.  I have had a lot of ups (the summit).  And I have had my fair share of downs (the black tunnel).  Right now I feel like I am struggling to get out of the tunnel.  I can see the light.  I can see what I should be doing.  What I can or could be doing.  But sometimes I just do not have the 'want to'.  I know exactly what I need to be doing.  I just don't have the 'want to'.  Some days I feel like I am on top of the ride, on the summit of life, and I am doing really well.  Other days I am back in the black tunnel.  Having the joy of giving life to my 3 precious babies was momentous.  Losing my mom to melanoma has been a very large black hole.

BUT.  Thank God there is a BUT.  But God loves me so much that He will help me out of this hole.

He has sent people to surround me with encouraging words from around the world.  I can't physically see most of the people who have touched my life in this time, but I have been able to read their notes, emails, comments, and posts.  I also have an amazingly supportive, sensitive, and patient husband.  I have been reminded about the hope that God gives us and that I can find my value in Him and Him alone.  Is it hard to do that?  Most definitely, yes.  I have to work at it.  It is a daily undertaking that I find hope in Jesus.  "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: the old has gone, the new is here!" ~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 (NIV)  
I am new in Christ. And He freely gives hope, satisfaction, love, significance, and much more.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus..." ~ Philippians 4:6&7 (NIV) 
To try to not be anxious is hard.  But if God can give peace and guard my heart and mind, eww eee that sounds so nice.
 Paul says ~ I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty.  I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.  I can do all this through him who gives me strength.  ~ Philippians 4:12&13 (NIV)
To be content with where we are at in our current lives is hard.  It is hard to ride the roller-coaster in anticipation of what is to come next.  Wanting and reaching for that next big thing is easy and fun, but once we get what we want, the excitement wears off pretty quickly.  That significance we thought we could get from "stuff" quickly fades.  So I stand today to make a commitment to find my significance in Jesus.  In what he wants in my life.  Will it be hard.  Yes. Will I have to remind myself daily.  Yes.  Will my lifestyle have to change?  Yes.   My sister reminded me in my last searching post that "You ARE significant because you are a child of the King! No more, no less. You are significant because you have opened your heart to God's leading and have done what he purposed you to do. Your obedience to the Lord is significant and that is really all the Lord asks of us!!"

We all are significant in God's eyes whether you know it or not.  On the roller-coaster of life, I will have ups and downs, but starting now I will be going forward.  Slowly, but surely.

Some places I have found encouragement:
psalm1walk.blogspot.com   - This is my friend Molly.  She is incredibly encouraging
proverbs31.org - My sister randomly sends me devotionals from here that are really powerful.
finding the beauty - I happened upon Cheryl's blog about a month ago.  I love the way she writes and find myself in similar situations as her.

So what are you searching for?  Can you relate?  What has been a new revelation for you?

~ Selena

Favorites: AKA Guilty Pleasures

Okay, come on, you know you have them.  Those little things you do in life that you really don't want to many people to know about. Or maybe no one at all.  Those guilty pleasures, we all have them.  It's like what I am teaching my son, it's like butt cracks, everyone has one.  Yep I said it.  So I know you have some guilty pleasures.

I really don't know what I want to get out of this post.  Maybe I want to be able to confess my little obsessions, so I can be released from the torment ... oh heck no.  I want to hear about your guilty pleasures so I feel better about mine.  HA!  So I am expecting some good stuff on here.  I know, I know you are probably saying to yourself... why in the world would I want to confess my little secrets on a blog... because it is all in fun.  We can all get a little red faced together without even having a drink!   I want to first say, no judging will be had on this blog.  No shaking of the head or rolling of the eyes.  You don't judge me and I won't judge you.  Okay lets have some fun.  Cuz we all know a little fun is good medicine.  Ready, set, go... time to tell those embarrassing, lame, silly little things about ourselves.

Remember no judging....only giggling.  :-)

Prince William

I am one of those people who are fascinated by the Royals.  I loved reading and watching exclusives on Princess Diana and Prince Charles and their crazy lives.  I like watching all of the coverage on Prince William and soon to be Princess Catherine.  That lifestyle entrances me.  From my view, it looks like a fairytale.  Or maybe it is because William and Kate are around my age.  And get this, when I was younger (much younger) I dreamt that one day I would be Princess Selena.   Because you know Prince William was going to find me in the far away distant land of Indiana, sweep me up on his white steed and take me away to Windsor Castle.  Yes, you can laugh, because I am.  Guilty pleasure number one.  

••••

Angry Birds
 If you have an iPhone or iPod Touch you know what Angry Birds is.  If you don't, you need to know.  This is my favorite thing to do to pass the time away.  I love the sound effects the best.  The oinking of the pigs.  How they sneer and laugh at you when you didn't wipe them all out, cracks me up.  Being able to sling birds through the air is so fun!  Watch out, you may have too much fun, disregard everyone in your presence, and become addicted to this game.  

••••

Bohemian Rhapsody - Queen  

Is this the real life?

Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide,
No escape from reality....

I see a little silhouette of a man,
Scaramouch, Scaramouch, will you do the Fandango
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro...

I crank this song up every time I hear it.  Enough said.  

Merek at the Krispy Kreme Bakery

••••

My fourth guilty pleasure is Krispy Kremes Doughnuts

These wonderfully, sugary, heart stopping, cholesterol raising, diabetic coma inducing little pleasures are sooooo good.  And the best way to have them is right out of the oven at the Krispy Kremes bakery.  I have only had the pleasure to go to the bakery twice in my short life, but oh it was soooo mouth watering good.  

••••

Figure Skating.  Yes that is what I said.  Figure skating.  C'mon you can admit it.  You like to watch poetry on ice.  I watch it every Winter Olympics.  From Scott Hamilton, Kristi Yamaguchi, Brian Boitano, Sasha Cohen, Michelle Kwan and Evan Lysacek.  The graceful dance, the elaborate costumes, the amazingly difficult jumps, and who can forget the controversy.  I think it deserves a 10!  Hello?!?!?   You don't watch figure skating....I'm the only one?  Hmmmm. Shoot.

••••

Edward or Jacob?  

Twilight

My sixth guilty pleasure is Twilight.  Don't give me that look.  I love this series of books.  The movies do not do the books justice, but how can you make a vampire shine like little diamonds and make it look realistic.  So it doesn't upset me too much that the film industry can't get it right.  Or the fact that they leave out parts.  Most people wouldn't sit in a theatre for the length of time that they would have to make a movie with all the parts of a book. Like I said, most.  ;-)  But as serious as I can be, I love the way Twilight is written.  It brings a whole new look to vampires and fantasy.  In a non-slut-filled way.  I am addicted and I don't care what anyone says.  I hop on Stephanie Meyer's website every once in a while to see if there is anything new coming out.  I have her other book, The Host, and it is super good too!  P.S. I am on team Edward.  I didn't say team Rob, let's make that clear.  Team Edward.

••••

Bags

I like all kinds of bags, purses, backpacks, wallets... I could keep going.  I don't know why I am obsessed with bags??  And the irony of it all, is that I hate carrying a bag into a store.  What?  I know. I am crazy.  I just like the look of bags.  And I like to buy bags.  But I don't like to use them (all the time).  Again, what?  I try to get out of using the diaper bag for the twins each time I go into the store. It is one more thing I have to take in with me and keep track of.  But inevitably I will need something out of it, like most importantly a bottle or a diaper.  Sigh.  What is wrong with me?  :-P

••••

McAlister's Sweet Tea is theeeee beeeessssstttttt sweet tea ever.  period.  This yummy goodness is so incredibly sweet and addicting.  Oh and never fear, you can buy it buy the gallon.  ;-)

••••

I love my sleep and I do my best sleep on my Jersey Knit sheets.  It is just like wearing an old t-shirt, without the smell.  Ahhh.

••••

I can watch cartoons all day long.  Never mind that I have kids and they like to watch cartoon too.  We watch a lot of PBS Kids and Qubo.  But the other night I was flipping through the channels and came across the Qubo channel and they were play She-Ra!!!  Oh you are kidding me, I thought.  Then I said YES!  And I watched the whole cartoon.  She-Ra Princess of Power and defender of the Crystal Castle. 

••••

Ice, Ice Baby.  Hehehehe.  I know all of the words to Vanilla Ice's hit Ice, Ice Baby.  And I ain't scared to sing them.  Out loud.  Or dance to the song.  Just ask my cousins.  They can tell you.  I think Vanilla 'Selena' Ice made an appearance at their wedding.  

••••

Okay last two.  I know there are more, but one can only handle so much in one day.  

I like to watch Kathy Lee and Hoda,in the morning.  They are corny, they crack me up, and most of the time give some good advice.  

••••

Ellen

Last but not least.  Ellen.  She is HIL. AR. I. OUS.  Hilarious.  I laugh out loud at her and her crazy antics.  The funny things she makes 'stars' do, the crazy games she has her audience play, and the amazing love she shows everyone is so great.  One day I will go to the Ellen Show.  

Okay now it is your turn.  Let's hear it.  What is is your little secret pleasure(s)?  It's okay to let your hair down for just a bit to humor yourself, and me, and maybe the 3 other people that read this blog. I'm waiting...

~Selena 

Searching for Significance. Part 1

Buchart Gardens. Victoria, B.C.

When did it happen?  When was it that women decided (or maybe it was men decided) that women had to do more than just taking care of their family.  As if taking care of the house, the bills, the kids, the husband, etc., etc., etc., was not enough.  I ask this, not because I think that women doing other things than solely taking care of their household is the only way.  But because I struggle with the feeling that I need to be doing more than just seeing to my family.  Isn't that enough?  I mean I have 3 sweet, but demanding kiddos.  I have a hubby that loves me unconditionally, but has a hard time staying organized.  I am blessed by a God that loves me, but I find myself in a 'once in a while relationship'. The roof over my head is great, but I am constantly cleaning the inside. The food on the table is good most of the time, but sometimes I just do not want to make anything.   And yet I still feel like I need to be doing more.  More what?  Something, anything that provides or makes me feel significant.  Ohhh, maybe what I struggle with is, for whatever reason, that I feel like I do not get enough significance out of just being a mom, wife, daughter, sister...  Ew, that sounds ugly.  And I do not like it.

I know it is here somewhere.  Where did I put it?  I feel like I am searching for my significance like I laid down my car keys and I can't seem to find them.

Growing up, I didn't think about the need to be significant.  I just did.  My significance was in what I was supposed to be focusing on: school, sports, and family.  That was all I was supposed to be worried about.  At the same time I felt like I was reaching for a higher purpose.  I was building myself up to become something more.  The same happened in college.  I was there for a reason.  To complete my four year degree and make something of myself. While in college, I helped with a local youth group.  I went on trips and went to youth camp with them.  And God moved in me every time.  I floated away somewhere after that.  I got married and invested myself into my husband and building our life.  A new me.  A new place, a new adventure, a new church, new, new, new.  What happened to the old me?  The driven, stubborn, head strong, woman that knew what she wanted and felt like she had significance?

I want to find that woman again.  Soon.



Because I feel like I am opening a can of worms with myself.  I am taking this one slow.  So there will probably be a part 2...3...4...who knows.  Please, I encourage comments.  I promise I will answer them.  Part of having an area to comment is to gain some encouragement from those who are reading.  Thanks for reading.

Gifts

What do you give to people nowadays?  Does anyone have a hard time figure out what to give as a birthday gift?  I feel as if most of us have way too much stuff anyway.  Or what in the world do you give to someone who has been on this planet for 90 years?  Maybe it is just me.  I seem to have a hard time coming up with gift ideas.  I desire to give gifts that are meaningful and useful.  I roam around the store trying to see if anything will just come out and hit me up side the head.  I then usually walk out feeling disappointed because I really didn't find that meaningful or useful gift I was hoping for and I probably opted for a card.  Sigh.  Don't get me wrong, cards are nice and some have beautiful words.  But they are someone else's words.  Not mine.  I suppose I could come up with my own card with my own words.  Hmmm that just might be an idea.  But again, where is that one gift that would make the gift receiver really excited?  I guess I remember my mom being able to come up with the coolest gifts.  She could remember something you said months ago about a certain item you would like to have and then find it or something similar.  She didn't need to write it down either.  I wish I had that talent.

Today I was able to go to a double birthday party.  My nephew had turned the big ONE and my husbands Grandpa, (who I also affectionately call Grandpa) will soon turn the big NINETY.  Yes 90.  Whoa!  So we celebrated both birthdays today.  We all had a good chuckle when my nephew took several fist fulls of chocolate icing and tried to stuff it in his mouth.  The best part was that he missed his mouth most of the time and left big chocolate streaks across his face.  But mostly, I am fascinated by the stories Grandpa has to share.  The eras that he lived through.  It is truly amazing.  I could sit and listen for hours.

You know, Jesus received birthday gifts.  I wonder how long it took the Wisemen to come up with what kind of gift they would give to the Son of God?  Hopefully not as long as it takes me to find gifts.  :-)   And followers of Christ offered gifts of sacrifice.  So it seems we have been trying to give gifts from day one.  But the gift of time and relationship maybe the best gift of all.  That's what Jesus wants.  He wants a relationship with each one of us.  So sitting and listening to my Grandpa speak was probably the best gift I could give him and he could give me.