Searching for Significance: Part 2

Mt. McKinley (Denali)

I think it would be safe to say that most people want to do something significant.  They want feel good about who they are and what they are doing.  I am the same way.

I feel I should take you back a little bit, to snippets of my life that I feel are important in this search for significance.  I encourage you to read Part 1, if you haven't.

While in college I helped with a local youth group.  This group was made up of youth from small churches in the area.  We met in one location and had a lot of fun.  I helped with the music and games.  I tried to mentor girls when I was really finding out about myself.  I saw God move through the kids and through me.  I felt like I was doing something good.  I felt significant in the lives I was working with.  I wanted more.

I met my husband through this youth group.  We got married and promptly moved to Boulder, Colorado.  We felt Boulder was where we should be.  I had always wanted to go to Colorado.  My hubby is from Alaska, so Colorado was a nice balance between the flatlands of Indiana and Alaska.  We thought that we could jump into a church youth group and feel the same life moving significance we did with our youth in Indiana.  We were sadly mistaken.  Looking back I see that was not in God's plan for us.  We served in other ways.  My hubby helped with the church maintenance.  I helped with the kiddos on Saturday night.  I also planned the church Passover Seder for over 500 guests.  We were very active in our Life Group.  We were fulfilled in ways that we did not plan or think would be apart of our lives.  We loved our life in Colorado. Then an opportunity came across us that hit us like a ton of bricks.  I was 2 weeks post baby (our first) and we were asked if we would be interested in taking a job in Alaska as full time Camp Directors.  WHAT??  Are you kidding me?  There is no way I was ever going to Alaska, other than to visit.  Plus I just had a baby.  What are they thinking?  After the flurry of emotions subsided a bit, we really thought and pray about the opportunity.  We came to the conclusion of "Why Not?"  What do we have to lose?  We are young and just starting out.  We are young and dumb.  Why not?  We drove to Alaska from Colorado with everything we could fit in a Nissan Frontier and a 6x10 trailer.  If it didn't fit it was sold.  We were literally living on faith.  We were going to do something significant.  We were going to change this little Christian camp around.  From weeds to seeds.  And you know what?  With the help of God, grace, a lot of helping hands and a why not mentality, we did.  It was amazing!  To see it come from run down to thriving was incredible.  To see kids, who didn't really want to come to camp, make sure their parents knew they wanted to come next year before they even left the property was priceless.  To see the darkness in their eyes, to beaming with lights was like flying on a cloud.  I felt significant.  I felt good about who I was and what I was doing.

   

And then a change in the wind came.  I can't describe it.  It was a feeling.  Like God was pulling at me.  Pulling at my mind and heart to go home to Indiana.  Why?  Why would I want to go back to the flatland?  A place where most people work to work some more.  I had been living in 2 distinct places where people worked to be able to play.  Camping, mountain biking, hiking, skiing, snowboarding were all at my finger tips.  Wildlife galore.  A mother moose with twin babies lived on our property.  I saw a black bear while I was running one day. (yeah, that is a whole other post in itself)  Why in the world would I want to move again?  But God was telling me that our time in Alaska, at Camp Challenge Ministries, was coming to an end.   A couple of months later I found out I was pregnant with twins.  Hmmm. Okay God.

We moved.  We racked up more debt and we moved in with my hubby's parents. On my About page you can see what has happened to me over the last 8 months.  A quick recap... We moved, my mom's cancer came back, I had two darling girls, I turned the big 3-0, we moved again, my mom past away.  In someways I am trying to find myself again in this new place.  In this new town, this new body, this new mind...  I believe I may be searching for significance in all the wrong places.

I want to be able to see my significance in the eyes of my mom.



I will have to revisit this again later...   Too many emotions right now to type more.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for your kind comments and encouragement on Searching for Significance: Part 1.  Those who have commented have really made me think about my search.  Please be patient with me as I try to put more words to my search in Part 3.

~ Selena

Burning the Midnight Oil

Have you ever thought, "What the heck am I doing?" "What happened to me?" "Where did the person go that I thought I was?"

If I was asked this question, I would be bopping my head up and down thinking, "have you been reading my thoughts?"

I know where I have been, what I have done, and who I have spent time with.  But I have no idea where I am going, what I am going to do, or who I will end up spending time with while I am there.

These are the things that I do know:

1. I thought that I would be a career woman.  I am a stay at home mom.


2. I thought I would be single at least until my late twenties. I am a wife of a wonderful husband of 6 years.


3. I thought I would have children when I was around the age of 32.  I had my first child at the age of 26.


4. I thought 2 kids would be just enough.  I am a mother of a very smart and active 4 year old boy and uber cute (but very loud) twin 4 month old girls.


5. I never wanted to raise a family in Indiana.  My husband and I were married in Indiana, moved promptly to Colorado, then to Alaska, and now guess where we are...back in Indiana.


6. I thought I would have both of my parents until I was, at the very least, 60.  I buried my amazing mother this past January (I'm only 30).


7. I have every intention of going to bed at a decent hour.  I usually never get to bed before midnight. Hence Midnight Oil Momma.


8. I know that everything I have planned in my life never turns out the way I wanted...thanks be to God.

So this is the start of my blog.  Obviously I would like it to be successful. I would like to tell you what I want to get out of it and what I would like you to get out of it.  But as you can see, from the above list, where I end up will most likely not be where I thought.

My hope for this blog is to be able to come to a place where I can write out my thoughts, feelings, my parenting stories, cooking adventures, gardening experiences, travels, my disappointments and triumphs.  I also hope that you will find this blog encouraging, inspiring, a blessing and a place where you can respond to my adventures of being an untrained mom.

Thank you for reading.  Until next time.